She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
