I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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