nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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