In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
