totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
