Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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