I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
