i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
