It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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