It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Never joke about your clitoris.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize