I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
