the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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