Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
