dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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