My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
