May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize