i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
