you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
