don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
