I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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