I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
