where am i from again
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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