Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
