My sheets look like a crime scene.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
