Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize