I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize