She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
