No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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