You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
