oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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