my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
