she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
