I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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