My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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