Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
