Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
