We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
