you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
high people should be assigned attendants
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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