I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
