on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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