Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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