i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
