im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
