hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My dick has a subreddit
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