Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
