you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
