i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
