my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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