Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
