k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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