By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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