It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
