no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
