just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
