Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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