i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can I color on your dick again?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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