do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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