I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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