Im at strip club and am horny
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please, let me fuck your mom
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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