make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
