Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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