Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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