Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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