She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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