singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
