At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
