It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
