I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
