One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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