This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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