Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
