hotel room ftw
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
