why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
