You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
