I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
