shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
