I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
