Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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